a letter to Martha Stewart

Dear Martha,

I'm free you know.
I could be your intern or something.
I only offer because, well, things aren't working out.
I mean, first the dino-shades and now this?
And, can we also discuss a little something called "grammar"?
Your intern.....she's not getting it.
So, if you want, I would be happy to take over.



I also have some pretty ones others have made. I am for example the proud owner of my custom long Jodi necklace, she gave to me for the craft department’s last ’secret santa’.


Ummm...Did she mean "white elephant" when she said "secret santa"?
And that's one other thing, Martha.
I would never give you a necklace that would cause neck pain or spine alignment issues. I am a firm believer that croquet balls belong on the manicured lawn of your Hamptons estate and not strung around your neck with a gold chain.

Call me.

Love, Emilie