Today I feel discouraged. I am so tired and achy from walking around today at the mall that I feel like the next 4 months are going to be hard. It feels like my body can't do this. I know every pregnant woman feels that way. And then to think that on the horizon is this looming pain-fest that is child birth makes it worse.
To make things harder, some weepiness has started creeping into my world. Tonight I found myself crying for no reason at all. I thought I might be immune to this hormonal roller coaster, but apparently not. I worry about labour and staying organized once Ella comes and breastfeeding properly and never sleeping AGAIN and making our home nice for her and being a good wife while I am being a Mother.
I wanted so badly to be that cute pregnant woman who still always looks good. Unfortunately, I rarely put on make-up these days. I am getting so busy keeping up with laundry and keeping the house clean and things that should be normal and how much worse is it going to be when I have a baby? Are we destined to be that disastrous couple in the ward with the messy house and jam-faced kids?...I hope not, but today I doubt my own abilities.
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